I no longer listen to what people say, I just watch what they do. Behavior never lies.
Winston Churchill
And it’s done! I filed for divorce today. It was a mixed bag of emotions; there was a lingering sentiment and wistful reminiscing about the life I had, but those feelings were buttressed up against the excitement and anticipation about the life I’m going to have.
There’s not much more I have to say about today.
… When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,
Dylan Thomas “And Death Shall Have No Dominion”
They shall have stars at elbow and foot
One year ago today was one of the hardest days of my life. June 20, 2018, was the day I had to say goodbye to a little black Pug that my ex and I had rescued back in 2010. Looking back, I had no idea how this little girl, weighing in at around 24 lbs., who constantly wheezed, snorted, and farted because the Pug breed is brachycephalic, a fancy word for saying they have short snouts, would come steal my heart.
Ms. Pickles was going in for a routine teeth cleaning, but the intubation tube irritated her trachea causing it to swell and not allowing Pickles to breath when the tube was removed. I was in Moses Lake when I got the call that Pickles was unable to breath without being intubated. I dropped everything and left work and drove the 2 1/2 hours to Winthrop to the veterinary clinic where I was able to say my goodbyes and hold my little girl while she was put to sleep. Me ex and I took her home and buried her in our back yard.
Fast forward to today. So much has changed over the last 365 days, but my love for my little girl has not waned and the hole her passing has left in my heart is still there and will probably always be there. There are times in our lives that we have dogs and then are times when we have a “dog”. Ms. Pickles was definitely the latter. She had so much personality and character; it was like having a two-year old around. She was also a stinker and moody, again just like a two-year old, but I loved her to bits.
To my little Miss Pickles, you passed over the rainbow bridge a year ago today, but there are those still here on this mortal coil that love and miss you. It was a blessing to have you in my life and it is my hope that one day we will be reunited and you’ll take your place on the left armrest.
So…yeah…I bought a new car, a 2019 Subaru Crosstrek Limited. I had been working with a couple of dealerships here in Washington State, but ended up buying my car from a dealership in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, and took delivery last night around 7:00 PM. The GM was good enough to meet me halfway in Davenport, cutting my drive time down by half since I was coming from an all day training in Wenatchee.
I hadn’t planned on buying a new car, but circumstances made it more attractive to buy a new car rather than pony up $10K for the car I had been driving – not to mention having the additional privilege of paying another $1K to have the title transfered to my name.
In the light of eternity.
In lucem aeternitatis.
I’ll be 50 in less than two months and in less than two weeks I’ll be completely moved out of what has been my home for the past five years.
I never conceived that my 10-year relationship would end essentially via stream-of-consciousness, rambling text messages two months ago, or that the person who meant more to me than anyone else in the world would sit across from me at our dining table, and tell me on a late Saturday morning a couple of weeks ago that he hadn’t been in love with me for years.
My question is, “why did he stay with me?” We both know the reasons why; he needed me to gain legal entry into this country and once he got his 10-year Green Card, he couldn’t even wait a month to break-up with me. I know that this was a blessing in disguise; I am so much better off not having a person like him in my life. A friend of mine told me that all you need to know about a person’s character is by what they do when they have the means and the mode to do something to another person and they do it. That was exactly what happened to me.
I’m not going to dwell on this person, or the life we shared; suffice it to say this has been a learning experience for me and I will spend this time focusing on myself and fashioning the life I want to live.
This coming Friday I will file for divorce. I’ll spend this weekend packing up and staging my belongings for the moving truck in July, and hopefully, I’ll be able to close this chapter on my life soon.
